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America’s Next Top Author, Part Two (feat. John Hansen)

01 Nov

Book Network schedule: November 2011

What Not To Write (Mondays, 8 PM EST)

Freelance writers in need of assistance will go before a panel of experts to get their pieces critiqued and receive suggestions on where to look for work. Writing for the “National Enquirer” or less-than-reputable sites found on Craigslist is not the best way to gain esteem as a writer.

American Editors (Tuesdays, 7 PM EST)

A pair of longtime pals in the anthology business wade through piles of unfortunately poorly worded short stories in order to find the gems they need to complete their collections. Aided by their funky assistant back at the office, they go across the nation in search of contributors and sometimes have to make interesting bargains with unwilling writers.

Hell’s Bookstore (Wednesdays, 9 PM EST)

Newly published authors are unleashed in a haphazard bookstore in order to find their works on the shelves. One of the authors’ books, however, has not been placed on the premises, and none of the competitors knows whose it is. The authors get cutthroat as they race against the ticking clock to find those hardcovers and win a hefty cash prize.

Pretty Little Editors (Thursdays, 8 PM EST)

Our highly acclaimed drama returns as the editors of rival literary magazines battle for publicity, submissions, and the best possible cover art. Things get personal as one editor has to choose between his pride and the perfect story: one of his enemies wrote just the tale he was looking for, but accepting it means acknowledging that the rival editor has a brain.

Writing Moms (Fridays, 8 PM EST)

The mothers of young writers get competitive behind the scenes as they meet in falsely cheery coffee sessions while their literary-minded children are at writing seminars. Things come to tears in the family as the forceful moms push their wunderkinds to the edge of sanity with the pressure to succeed. There will be allies made and lost, manuscripts praised and critiqued, and lots of Starbucks coffee.

Manuscript Wars (Saturdays, 7 PM EST)

Both aspiring writers and established authors in need of a boost enter this intensive, timed contest in hopes of some extra cash and plenty of publicity. Helped along by chosen friends and randomly assigned writing students, the competitors write short fiction based on provided themes and get critiqued by a varied panel of judges. Celebrities whose only credentials are that they “love to read” will say that they adore each piece, while actual experts will set unreasonable expectations and respond to the manuscripts accordingly.

The Voice (Mondays, 7 PM EST)

The contestant reads aloud only one page of out of his manuscript to the judges. The judges – a group of four literary agents – turn their chairs away so they are not facing the contestant. They listen as the contestant reads his manuscript and if they like his writing voice, they turn their chairs to face him. By doing this, the judges agree to represent this author for publishing. If more than one agent turns his or her chair, the author decides who they want to be represented by. If no one turns, the author lethargically trudges away, with no book contract to flaunt.

CSI: Library (Wednesdays, 10 PM EST)

A whodunit drama series where a team of highly trained Crime Scene Investigators investigate various crimes committed in the local, Las Vegas library such as stolen books and accused rowdiness. They also probe people who claim to have returned their overdue book, those who claim to be wrongly accused of being the source of noise, those who are blamed for stealing someone else’s library book or library card and those who are accused of damaging their library books. Critics rave that “CSI: Library” is “riotously funny”, although it is not intended to be a comedy.

Book Deal or No Book Deal? (Tuesdays, 8 PM EST)

A game show in which the contest – an author – reads aloud his query letter, synopsis and beginning of his manuscript to a mysterious literary agent who is seen as a dark silhouette positioned at the uppermost portion of the building. After the papers are read, the literary agent decides, from what he or she heard of the query, whether or not to sign this nervous author’s book to a book deal.

Minute to Write It (Thursdays, 7 PM EST)

A popular game show in which contestants – aspiring writers – are given a prompt to write to and have sixty seconds to complete it. After the sixty seconds are up, the smiling game host collects their prompts and brings it to the cynical judges who read it aloud, criticize the writing and usually the handwriting until they eventually choose a favorite amongst the five.

It’s Me or the Book (Fridays, 9 PM EST)

A TV series in which a renowned writing trainer tackles behavioral problems with authors and their irksome works in progress by teaching the authors about responsible authorship and by taming each party’s emotions.

Dancing with the Authors (Saturdays, 8 PM EST)

Dance and writing converge in this television series where your favorite dancers and writers – who are not so skilled on the dance floor – team up and compete against other groups for the grand prize of one million dollars!

The Book Network…bringing writing to your screen so you don’t have to do it yourself.

A big thank-you goes out to John Hansen–credit goes to him for the idea for a Book Network reprise, and the last six shows listed here. Be sure to check out his blog, The Incessant Droning of a Bored Writer, for all sorts of good stuff on reading and writing!

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3 responses to “America’s Next Top Author, Part Two (feat. John Hansen)

  1. John Hansen

    November 1, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    Great post!!! So glad to help out!

     
  2. Lokyra Stone

    November 3, 2011 at 1:58 PM

    YES. I’ve been waiting impatiently for my writing network guide to come out. It’s about time! How else will I know what shows to set up to record with my dvr?

     
  3. hermitsdoor

    November 5, 2011 at 6:10 AM

    It is a paradox when TV produces show about writing, in that TV/movies are visually driven, not really dialogue driven. Writers who wish to produce dialogue should work for live theatre, where language dominates over special effects (regardless of what Disney has tried to do to Broadway). Each medium (TV, movies, theatre, novels/stories/poems) is worthy, but should build on its strengths for a quality product. Of course, I read the satire in your program proposals. Maybe some TV exec. will pick one up and give you a writing contract! 🙂
    Oscar

     

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